Life

I decided this morning not to feel sorry for myself and wonder why me, at my age do I have to have a pacemaker/defibulator. I am going to thank God for my bad heart instead.
I have a good friend that I went to high school with that passed out at work one day, was medivaced to a bigger hospital, and found out she had two tumors in her head. She has been through surgery to remove the tumors, chemo in case they didn't get it all, loosing her hair and her total way of life. She is on the mend but no one is sure if there will be any permanent damage.
I have another friend who went to get her gall bladder out and they discovered she has liver/spleen problems. She went yesterday and had an MRI and it showed hot spots on her liver. Now she must endure chemo and all the BS that goes with it.
WE ARE ONLY IN OUR 40s WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?????
I know they say everythng happens for a reason, God will not put more on your shoulders than you can carry. Goodness, we must be strong women. Thank you for my bad heart God and please help my friends who are sick and those that I don't know about. Amen

Change

I have decided since I just had my birthday, I am going to make some serious changes in my life. I am tired of always being bitchy and having a negative out look on life. Things will not get better without an effort on my part. It has taken me three years to make this decision and to decide I can live a normal life even though my Mom is no longer here. Her death took me somewhere I had never been before and I am ready to leave it.
She was the constant in all of our lives, she kept the family together. Since her death, our family is scattered, it is like no one knows where to pick up and how to go on. There is constant drama, either between sisters, kids, whoever. THE DRAMA IS SOON TO BE A THING OF MY PAST.
There is no way any of us could fill her shoes and I would not even attempt to try. The way our family is now I am sure she is broken hearted and she would be so pissed.
I know this will not be easy but I am going to give it my best shot. With the Lord's help, this I will overcome. :-)

Wondering

Have you ever been sitting on your deck or front porch looking up at the sky and see a plane fly overhead? Have you ever wished you could be up there going where ever they are going? Have you ever wanted to fill your car up pack some stuff and just drive? Maybe go to the mountains and rent a cabin, build a fire, lock the door and curl up with a good book. By good book I mean one of those that is so good you can visualize what is going on and you want to read the whole thing right then...

Through life you make decisions and plan the path you want to take to get where you want to be. Decisions made and mistakes can throw you off of your path. Why can the decissions of others throw you off of your path too? Do you allow this to happen or is it just part of life?
Someone decides that they want something and they are bound and determined to get it creating drama for all concerned. I am so tired of drama-I could scream. Some days it is like everyone reverts to middle school days and it is a cluster. He said, she said, guess what I heard, hell that has been a long time ago. Isn't there something more productive that we could all do?
I think the hardest people to get along with are family, or at least mine. It seems like since our Mom died we are scattered about and have lost the way to our path, sometimes I wonder if I will ever find mine again, hell I wonder if I still remember where I wanted to go. Mom must have been stronger than I ever thought possible keeping this group together and functioning. One day you wake up and all is well in your own little area of the world untill you get a phone call, the kids are arguing, mind you, they are grown. It is like a vicious circle that keeps sucking the life out of you. I have been told all of my life that there will never be more put on your shoulders than you can handle? I am feeling very bogged down at the moment. I wonder if life is like this for others or am I the only one?

I started this because a friend of mine told me about his. After reading some of his, I have decided that I am going to use mine hopefully as a sounding board. Noone knows who I am and if they do then they will understand where I am coming from, if they really know me.
Life seems to be like an F4 tornado-all of the time.
Peace, I am starting to believe, is an illusion, something you search and search for but never seem to get there.
I despise drama, life in itself is drama, why would you want to create more for yourself and those around you? I despise people who look down their noses at others, wondering just what it is about them that makes them feel superior? I despise two-faced people. If you don't have it in you to be straight up and speak your mind, get the hell away. You need to join the drama club.
It seems to me, that I am having to face demons from the past and I have little to no patience for anyone. For some reason they just keep popping in and out of my existance, things I thought were over a long time ago have become a struggle again.
They say that strange things happen to you when you are faced with an unexpected death, a near death experience, etc...Taking care of my Mother for the last 6 months of her life through her battle with the demon cancer, seems to have really taken a toll on me. Then three months later having to have a pacemaker/defibulator at the age of forty, seems to really have taken a toll on me too.
I have wondered if I tucked the demons into a special hidding place and pretended to deal with them? Now that my heart is strong and I am better, now is my time to take on the demons?

Snotty People !

Do you ever wonder why some people think they have a right to be snotty, you know, those who think they are superior? I live in a small town that is full of these snotty people. A lot of them come from money or made money.
Sometimes it is comical to watch them, and then other times you just wanna smack um.

I read on Foxnews.com that a court in Texas has ruled that DHS was wrong in removing around 400 children from a sect. I can not think of anything more disgusting than being 12 years old and being made to marry a 40 or 50 year old man. How is there any logic in that? She is a child and she can not say no, of course, they are raised to be obedient and do as they are told. Hell, I was raised to be obedient and respect my elders, but for the love of God, these are little girls and these men are nothing more than pedophiles and rapists and the women are dumber than a box of rocks. I wonder what makes a grown person believe these men that say they are Christ or a disciple of Christ? That they must have his children one after the other, he is allowed numerous wives? It is just amazing that this is 2008 and those women look like they belong on Little House on the Prairie. I don't play well with others and I surely would not share my husband. NOT ! !

Just wondering.

OK this is a different world to me and it may take me some time to get it down. I am thinking this will be a good spot to voice opinions, get feedback from others>as long as it doesn't get pissy. I am very opinionated and don't have a problem saying so. If you are easily offended, probably don't want to visit my blog.

Levi, here it is.

You Suck!