Change

I have decided since I just had my birthday, I am going to make some serious changes in my life. I am tired of always being bitchy and having a negative out look on life. Things will not get better without an effort on my part. It has taken me three years to make this decision and to decide I can live a normal life even though my Mom is no longer here. Her death took me somewhere I had never been before and I am ready to leave it.
She was the constant in all of our lives, she kept the family together. Since her death, our family is scattered, it is like no one knows where to pick up and how to go on. There is constant drama, either between sisters, kids, whoever. THE DRAMA IS SOON TO BE A THING OF MY PAST.
There is no way any of us could fill her shoes and I would not even attempt to try. The way our family is now I am sure she is broken hearted and she would be so pissed.
I know this will not be easy but I am going to give it my best shot. With the Lord's help, this I will overcome. :-)

Wondering

Have you ever been sitting on your deck or front porch looking up at the sky and see a plane fly overhead? Have you ever wished you could be up there going where ever they are going? Have you ever wanted to fill your car up pack some stuff and just drive? Maybe go to the mountains and rent a cabin, build a fire, lock the door and curl up with a good book. By good book I mean one of those that is so good you can visualize what is going on and you want to read the whole thing right then...

Through life you make decisions and plan the path you want to take to get where you want to be. Decisions made and mistakes can throw you off of your path. Why can the decissions of others throw you off of your path too? Do you allow this to happen or is it just part of life?
Someone decides that they want something and they are bound and determined to get it creating drama for all concerned. I am so tired of drama-I could scream. Some days it is like everyone reverts to middle school days and it is a cluster. He said, she said, guess what I heard, hell that has been a long time ago. Isn't there something more productive that we could all do?
I think the hardest people to get along with are family, or at least mine. It seems like since our Mom died we are scattered about and have lost the way to our path, sometimes I wonder if I will ever find mine again, hell I wonder if I still remember where I wanted to go. Mom must have been stronger than I ever thought possible keeping this group together and functioning. One day you wake up and all is well in your own little area of the world untill you get a phone call, the kids are arguing, mind you, they are grown. It is like a vicious circle that keeps sucking the life out of you. I have been told all of my life that there will never be more put on your shoulders than you can handle? I am feeling very bogged down at the moment. I wonder if life is like this for others or am I the only one?